I hope mine doesn't look like that
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
