I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize