We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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