We're like a lot better than the average bears
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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