i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
