sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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