I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
