How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
