My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
