That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
