Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
