PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize