the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He felt like a one man threesome
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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