walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize