Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
