whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
