Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
