Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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