he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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