mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
