I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
