Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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