he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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