Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
