Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That accounts for only three of the penises
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
