I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
