you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
