i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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