Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
