I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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