I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
