just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I look better un-naked...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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