Im at strip club and am horny
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
