i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
