you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
