Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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