I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
