I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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