she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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