Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
