If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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