literally had 100 drinks last night.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
