you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
