OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize