Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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