Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
