another moral hangover. fuck.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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