am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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