Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
