Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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