dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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