hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
