I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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