$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize