My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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