Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
