Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
