you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
