I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
