Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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