Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
