Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
