New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
