just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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