Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
