Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
