the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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